♥ Monday, May 11, 2009
My Complicate Life ♥
I have a really bad day today.I don't have enough of sleep,my whole body ache like crazy,and i don't have appedite for almost the whole day.Meeting with Mr. Teo is really bad since i don't really know what the rest of the group members are planning.i can only sit there as a figurehead leader.i don't even know what is the point of me being there."You know who" talk the most as usual.Went to old folks home after that.it is raining,and "you know who" whom had been there before,and recommended that place,got us lost.and we practically walked in circles in the rain for quite some time.The place is really super small,and there is no oven.so we have to strike out cookie making.luckily i didn't listen and calculate all those ingredients,all else all effort will go to waste.i already ask "you know who" to check on the oven,but i guess he/she forgotten.we also didn't have ANY food supplies donator.I suggested the YMCA LOOOOOONG TIME AGO,but "YOU NO WHO" INSISTED ON LOOKING FOR DONATOR.and in the what,YMCA ending,but NO DONATOR.HOW??DON'T ASK ME!WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GET SO MANY PAPERS AND OLD CLOTHINGS IN SUCH SHORT TIME FOR GOODNESS SAKE!I SAID I WILL ASK MY FRIENDS DURING MEETING,BUT YOU THINK MY FRIENDS SO FREE MEH,PLUS YOU THINK THEY CAN PRODUCE ENOUGH MEH?after that went home.have a massive headache,maybe because my clothes and hair are kinda damp,and i went to air-con MRT for quite long.stand throughout the ride.legs almost break.went home saw Mr. Ng email.wanted to sms piggy they all,but i think they out in the afternoon,so wait until evening then sms.but i saw piggy's message from afternoon (didn't realise it),saying she want to go for other lecture slot instead of tmr.but there is no other slot.smsed shine to ask they all online so can plan for the project as well as about tmr.but none of them are available.one outside,one laptop got problem.Just 2 weeks left till submission ,and we never do anything yet.of course i will be worried lar.20% leh,you think small project ah.but i also cannot blame them lar,need to wait teacher email,and the online discussion is VERY impromptu.it is not that i everytime want to tell them last minute,but i will kinda "expect" them to be available too,since normal the day i decided is like one day before the tutorial or submission,and since our time table are the same,i thought it will be easier to plan our time.and it is normally last minute that i decided to do something,not that i do it on purpose.maybe i should really do some self-reflection.maybe my way of doing makes people feels uncomfortable.i felt like my brain cells are dying slowly as the days go by.one problem not settle,another came.until now i still cannot find a room mate for the trip.i really want to go for the trip,coz looking at the situation now this sem,i will really collapse next semester when 7 modules' project come together.i will really go jump down the building.i don't think i can handle anymore pressure.many thinks i am doing a good job handling,but only i myself knows that i am doing a lousy job.it is not as easy as doing prior revision to understand what the lecturer is talking about.i really need to sit down and listen,only then i will only understand 30% of what he/she is saying,and 10% left the next day.i admit that i am really bad at studies,i am not smart either.so i really need that 2 modules exemption.furthermore,i really don't want to reach home so late anymore.it is about normal to reach home at 7pm or even later each day,10pm on thursday.i want my life back,even if there are only 6 more hours,i will still appreciate it,coz it means 6 more hours of rest.sometime i really wonders if i should get any sleeping pills,since i really can't sleep at night,even though i might not have slept the previous night.maybe i simply stress myself too much,and people thinks that is totally unnecessary.maybe i am a perfectionist,and makes people cannot stand me.i feel that i should stop thinking about school work,and get previous kind of life back...those finding room mate,i realised that i didn't have that many friends.maybe i should stop sticking to my old groups,and seek out for other friends.coz these friends will not always be available for me,like in this situation.i am starting to wonder,am i not outspoken enough?or do i simply looks "proud" like what many tell me.but my facial expression is not something i can change.it is my natuaral look.i tried to change it,but the response is always the same.What should i do???
♥ My World My Life
11:22 PM
