It's 1.36am now...
guess what i am doing?
staring into blank space, with a stack of taxation notes in front of me.
all of the sudden, i feel like writing something in my blog which i didn't touch for 1.5 months.

my 19th birthday just went by in a blink...
a lot of people text me "Happy Birthday",
my reply is always "Thanks".
However, what i really feel like saying is,
"i am not feeling happy on my birthday at all".
this feeling had been built up for a long time,
i didn't mention to anyone, and no one bother to ask me anyway...

i am reflecting back on my past these few days...
in kindegarden, i celebrated my "grandest" birthday ever,
i done my first performance on stage in kallang theater,
got my longest friendship ever.
in primary school, got my first specs,
got my first "1st prize",
got my first full marks,
got my first chicken pox.
in secondary school, met the best cliques of friends,
become the student councillor,
become part of executive committee,
try my best for the first time in CCA,
cried in public for the first time,
breaking down in front of my clique,
staying up multiple nights for D&T,
breaking fast together during night study,
singing endless birthday songs.
in poly, getting to a ridiculously far school,
chionging project days and nights,
fickle minded about the course i want.

a lot has happened in the past.
but when people ask "are you happy?"
i really don't know how to answer them.
sure enough, i have friends, but i can't help feeling lonely sometime.
sure enough, i choose the school, but i can't help feeling regret sometime.
what am i expecting for the future?
go with the flow and become an accountant?
people said that we will never be happy with the job that we have no interest in.
my mum said otherwise, "how much does interest worth?"
i know choosing accountancy is a rational decision,
but is it what i really wanted?